Earlier this week, I was accosted while buying lunch. Ok, perhaps accosted is the wrong word. What happened was that a man asked me to eat my sandwich at his table in the diner rather than eating at my desk, which I did. Upon leaving I was asked if he could call me.
The idea was less than pleasing, in part because of the apparent age gap and the fact that he was - not very attractive to me.
And then I ask. What is attractive? I know for a fact that I'm not a total age facist. Part of the non-attractiveness was that aforementioned man was too eager, related to the known facts - at least the way I perceive them. We can get back to that.
I've also been in touch with internet people. That is, men that I know through various internet sites, not necessarily geared towards dating. And I do confess, once I get to like their minds, thoughts and words, a bad picture inevitably will disappoint me.
Let's face it - I have STANDARDS for looks. Connected to this is the obscure feeling that I oughtn't.
Looking back on crushes and loves, I wouldn't say that I am totally hooked on the model man, or that I have a very confined set of likes. More often than not it's to do with the feeling. Carrie says in one episode of Sex and the City. Was he good-looking? I don't know. I never do when I like someone. And that may well be the case for me too. I've had crushes and realized long after that they were considered by others to be "hot".
A nasty part of this is that I am, or have been, afraid that others will judge my selected man based on appearance and say "how can you like HIM". Sometimes I judge my friend's men or women, but I would generally judge a personality much harder than looks. First and foremost, do they make my friend happy?!
So, why this internal double standard?
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