Mhm

Lazy days. You would think I'd be frantically preparing for christmas, or for the job interview, and, by god, proofreading the paper I actually brought home.

Oh no.
Granted, I tidied some. Turned the washing mashine on. Wrote a list.
And went to town on choir business, was there too early, ended up going to half a concert (the soprano did a good job of attacking "O holy night") and totally failed at present shopping.

See, I have two gifts left to buy.
A pyjamas for my godson.
However, all the pyjamases in all the kid shops were ugly or dull.
And a present for the man. I'm getting him a bicycle computer, I thought.
Of course, the model I was going for was sold out.
And there were no bike shops in the mall- the only place open that late.
So, complete failure.

I've been surfing the net. Some of those gadgets are ugly.
I'm secondguessing the idea, but it seems to be the best I can come up with. And he loves his bike. Anyway, men like toys, don't they?

Got home, starving, with groceries, had chocholate and pizza (in that order). Was going to bake christmas cookies, but there's too much on the box.

Lazy day. Fine way to spend a Saturday.
I miss him. It's not neurosis, nor insecurity, no freaking out - I just missed him today.
God, I'm hooked.

Things I like about. Yes, him.

So, I was sort of thinking about writing something about recent events, which is way up there on the pink scale (why stop now), but it's getting old, isn't it. I mean, sure, short update equals things fine, I'm not freaking out this week, nor the next, I can actually think about other things, and I have sex on a frighfully regular basis.

But let's cut the he said I said I thought stuff. I give you

XX things I like about him

1. Pheromones. Obviously.
2. That he cuts his hair. Regularly.
3. And irons his shirts
4. and keeps his stubble groomed.
5. (His stubble. His ears. The color of his hair. The softness of it.)
6. His posture. Spotted him instantly, with his bike, in the fog and darkness. Quite a Rapunzel moment with me in the window, him in the yard (though I walked down to let him in)
7. That he is kind to his sister
8. and obviously proud of his family.
9. 'i like my body when it is with your/body. ...'
10. That he cares about stuff. The world, politics, ethics
11. but not in your face political.
12. The fact that he won second price for "best butt" at a graduation celebration, but didn't tell me until now, nor dresses to emphasize the fact.
13. Oh, yes, that too.
14. Caring. Like, reminding me that I need to eat before the concert when I'm reluctant to get up and hit the shower.
15. Entwining his fingers with mine when we're in bed, from the start.
16. How his smile creeps up to his eyes.
17. His stern brow and patrician nose.
18. Not being overly tidy.
19. The atmosphere in his home.
20. Coming with me to a party so he could meet my friends.
21. Being easy to talk to. About most things, sex included.
22. And that he's a half-decent kisser.
23. Making time for me in a crazy schedule.
24. Music. Any type of string music makes me smile, and fall a little, these days.
25. Cycling everywhere. Together.
26. Being a foregone conclusion.
27. My christmas present. (That I got one. And what it was).
28. That he buys müsli without raisins, just for me.

Timid

Timid, suddenly. Or maybe not so sudden. It had been almost two weeks.
I couldn't take his hand in the movie theatre darkness.
I certainly couldn't greet him hello with a kiss with all those people watching.
Nor after, outside in the cold.

I did invite myself over. ´



The movie was good.
First a holocaust documentary, then the constant gardener.
How serious we are...


Exhausted, he fell asleep quite soon after going to bed (after tea, apples, Beethoven quartets and even recordings with him. He's decent, far as I could tell). I didn't. Well, eventually, intermittently, and while he was deep asleep, I found myself pondering why I felt so insecure now, and how to tell him.

I know why, of course. It's because I care for him.

And no, I didn't tell him that. Are you mad?!!? It felt better when I'd slept, though.


When we were awake, both of us, but I still uncertain of the sleep status of my counterpart, I asked
"are you asleep, or just awaiting my assault on you in vain...?"
"In vain?" he said
"well, so far", retorted I.
"Why is it always the man who's supposed to throw himself on the woman?" he asked me, somewhat resignedly. So I told him
"no, you're right. It's just that... I feel so timid today. Yesterday too."
"is that so", mumbled he,
and then I did.

And after a while said
"it's just, I'm not very good at this throwing business"


But the complaints weren't forthcoming. On the contrary, I'm sure I heard a "fine" somewhere.


And we're not stopping - whatever it is we're doing. This week either. I guess.

How can you not fall in love when someone kisses you like that.

Oh God!

Ble plutselig nervøs.
For noe så enkelt som kino.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Noen ganger
- det er så mye mer som -


spørsmål som stikker hodet fram som fjøsnisser bak trestubbene.
- Hva mener du når du foreslår at jeg skal feire jul med deg i Stockholm?
- Og når du fleiper med at jeg skal treffe mine andre pojkvänner, betyr det at du har kalt deg selv for det?


Det har blitt lettere å ringe.
Det har blitt lettere
å prate i telefonen.

Det tar oss fortsatt flere timer (når vi treffes) før vi


En sån present ger man inte till vemsomhelst, sa Jenny (endelig noen som var like begeistret som meg for idéen).

Ta hånden hans i mørket, sa Kristine.

Dere har så god tone, sa Merethe.


Nervøs, ok. Men mest


glede.