Timid

Timid, suddenly. Or maybe not so sudden. It had been almost two weeks.
I couldn't take his hand in the movie theatre darkness.
I certainly couldn't greet him hello with a kiss with all those people watching.
Nor after, outside in the cold.

I did invite myself over. ´



The movie was good.
First a holocaust documentary, then the constant gardener.
How serious we are...


Exhausted, he fell asleep quite soon after going to bed (after tea, apples, Beethoven quartets and even recordings with him. He's decent, far as I could tell). I didn't. Well, eventually, intermittently, and while he was deep asleep, I found myself pondering why I felt so insecure now, and how to tell him.

I know why, of course. It's because I care for him.

And no, I didn't tell him that. Are you mad?!!? It felt better when I'd slept, though.


When we were awake, both of us, but I still uncertain of the sleep status of my counterpart, I asked
"are you asleep, or just awaiting my assault on you in vain...?"
"In vain?" he said
"well, so far", retorted I.
"Why is it always the man who's supposed to throw himself on the woman?" he asked me, somewhat resignedly. So I told him
"no, you're right. It's just that... I feel so timid today. Yesterday too."
"is that so", mumbled he,
and then I did.

And after a while said
"it's just, I'm not very good at this throwing business"


But the complaints weren't forthcoming. On the contrary, I'm sure I heard a "fine" somewhere.


And we're not stopping - whatever it is we're doing. This week either. I guess.

How can you not fall in love when someone kisses you like that.