Social conventions preach that you should be relatively polite to your surroundings. We all fail at this at times, more so in times of stress. At the moment I am in that place where some days you have to grit your teeth to be able to reply "thanks, doing allright", untruthfully, when asked "So, How Are Things?".
Seing as the surroundings all know of the current stresses, they hopefully know that the strain isn't them but me. However, it might be a good idea to circulate a pamphlet explaining the do's and dont's:
Don't ask me how I am
Don't ask me how things are going
Don't ask me when I'll defend my thesis
or if I have applied for any more positions
Wait for me to offer information.
If I don't offer information on my affairs, let's discuss the weather,
the latest news,
that film I just saw or the McGarrigle sisters I've recently discovered.
I can do that. Politely, and even smile genuinely.
However, the idea of telling people how to treat me is not going to be able to pass my Pride filter. These days my primary mortal sin. And the lutheran guilt of being crass to these dear and caring people is adding to my exhaustion.
Instead, I keep my head down, talk to my mother with tears in the corners of my eyes, just. Avoid large groups, and sit in my sofa with the tv on strumming the guitar singing
You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Though I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness there inside you
Makes you feel so small
2 comments:
I am sure there is a reason for that sort of pride. I have it too. It is just something fundamentally wrong with telling people what we want them to just "know".
On a different note, "How are you" as an opening line is just a bad idea. It is to be asked to be lied to, it is one of those norms that it is just how people are greeted: "Hi, how are you."
And if you answer, "Well, actually, my dog died and someone burned down my van so I have nowhere to live", then you are the one who's misunderstood. We are expexted to lie. Very twisted sense of morale: I could write a lot about it. Maybe one day I will... long rant.
-CityBreak
You have a point, actually. However, I do believe a lot of the time, friends at least really want to know - that you are fine, that is. Maybe they need the confirmation, so they know that you are still there to look after them and won't need an effort on their part.
Another aspect of this is the lack of frases to use that circumvent the issue. Opting for "So!" as a greeting frase has some merit, I guess.
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